Mama Knows

When my children are born, I start training them.

I know your mind is stuttering to a halt, preparing to put me in a crazy-granola box, so I can be filed as another sad statistic in the blogs you Used-To-Read. Go ahead if you must, but for the rest of you, bear with me a moment as I fling words across the page like spilled spaghetti.

I train my little ones to, first of all, recognize my voice, as The Voice to listen to and obey.

You do it too, you just don’t know it is actually baby training.

My little Smasher wasn’t more than a few hours old in the above picture. He was born, cleaned, fed, skin to skin, and swaddled with dizzying speed.

The dizzying speed slowed way down to a bright hot intensity as I soaked him up in my hour of skin-to-skin right after he was born. We already knew each other, but only from the inside. I had cupped his little bottom many times, upside down, at the top of my stomach. Never had I cupped it as he lay on my chest. I had gently pushed his little feet back in but never had they pushed down against my hand, with his head under my chin. It’s impossible to describe the intensity of getting to know your child on the outside. It’s both foreign and yet familiar having that little one nursing for the first time. As if you have never not known him, and yet, he is brand new.

For the first six weeks, I do very little housework, very little laundry, and zero homeschooling. We pause life and slip into the delicious newborn bubble, every single one of us from the teenager to the toddler. The newborn weeks flash by so fast it’s mind-boggling!

I want my children to pause life to celebrate a new child. I want them to celebrate each other’s babies. There is nothing like a new life! Both physical and spiritual.

The newborn weeks are tough, so so tough for Mama. At least for this Mama. There is no way around the hormonal fluctuations, the breast infection, and the initial pain from breastfeeding. And yet, everything is forgotten as I snuggle my newest little one. My young. A child I prayed for, hoped for, and trusted for. Every part of him is a miracle. He is the future.

For weeks I hold my baby as much as I want, knowing his little body on my chest, his soft breathing sighs, and those milky burps are as healing to me physically as popping a pill. We hear all the time how vital touch is to babies, but what everyone forgets is how much Mama needs touch to ‘learn’ her baby.

You see, I have this hypothesis.

Just a small, unsubstantiated hypothesis that floats up from my ocean floor like the wisps of a cobweb.

They will cling to your mind as you sit up with a feverish child, in the night and although the hypothesis is very small and flimsy if it causes you to think, it is all worth it to me.

You see, you need to think past what the doctor told you at your well-child checkup. Your child deserves to have his mother engaged in his care and nourishment, the way the Lord intended it to be.

The Lord put inside you, a small voice that ‘knows’ what your child needs. Most of the time, you know what is going on. You may not know what to do, but if you find an older mother who has parented from the heart, rather than from an intellectual level, you will find help. If she cannot help you, a doctor can be a wonderful and important resource.

Parenting from the heart is not anti-doctor. Rather, it will recognize and respect the limitations of a man or woman who has been through medical school, and who was never intended to tell you how to raise your child.

Years ago I sat down with a pediatrician to ask him some questions pertaining to the age-old question of vaccinations. I spoke honestly, and so did he. Even though I disagreed with him on some points, I walked away from that interview with the utmost respect. One thing he told my husband and I, grieved us deeply. I don’t remember his actual words. But what he told us was that parents no longer parent proactively. They depend on him to tell them everything to do. This is a terrible burden to place on someone whose only qualification is medical school. They were never meant to tell you everything your child needs. They are there to be a valuable resource should you need them.

If you are here to see if I endorse well-child checks or vaccinations, you will not have much satisfaction. That is not my fight. I am here only to advocate for you, Mother. That you could learn to listen to that voice inside you and trust it.

Many of you know it’s there, but you don’t trust it.

You come up with intellectual reasons on why you cannot hear that Mother instinct speaking up inside you.

Or you come up with the excuse that your husband does not give it credence.

Pish-posh I say.

It is only right and good that your Very Good Man rigorously tests what voice you are listening to. As the head of his home, he is responsible for the wellbeing of his family.

Our Father has an incredible way of teaching us truth.

His voice is always gentle and kind. He never gives us direction without also providing a safe passage. He created us, whole and complete from day one. Just as we hold our newborns, so he holds us as we slowly grow. If we follow his principles, we will grow into a warrior for absolute truth.

I am blessed to be surrounded by many mothers who parent from the heart. They are my most valuable resource for advice regarding child training, child health, and child everything. The mother I am today is due in large to their ego-free guidance.

My friends who do not have children have also proved to be a valuable resource. I know the temptation of disqualifying words from a childless friend, but it is foolish to do so. They can see your children in a different light, without the distraction of so many feelings.

We share with each other. Books, herbs, medicine, and resources. We don’t owe each other, we equip each other.

We provide community and compassion with a healthy dose of honesty. We know the difficulty of child-rearing in today’s world, and we step up to the plate with all we have to offer.

You will not find a community like this if you are an easily offended person or unable to take responsibility. Because if there is a common thread that runs through the Godly parents I know, it is this. They will not be responsible for your choices. Your choices are on you.

My husband says it like this. When you stand before God, who is standing beside you? Those are the people that get to make that choice for you in your life.

I know. No one will stand beside you. You will stand alone before God. That is why it does not work to say “my church made me do it.” Or “My mother-in-law expected it and so I had no choice.”

You will stand alone before God by yourself, answering for you. You will answer about how you raised your children. You will answer how you followed and supported your husband.

It is very easy to think now, that you do not have a choice. But we always have a choice. Even if the choice is obedience to God or death. Of course, none of us want to die for our choices, but people have died for their choices and they did so without regret. Just because something is hard, does not make it bad. I would rather die than act on some choices, and you would probably too.

The thing of it is, I don’t have to approve of your choices and you do not have to approve of mine. It’s ok. That need not throw my world in a tizzy, nor need it do the same for you. This is where responsibility comes in. My seven children and my own husband are my responsibility. Not yours. So if you share that you do not approve of me, that is ok. It need not be offensive to me because guess what? Are you going to answer for them when you stand before God?

No, you are not.

So in peace, we can continue to walk on together, being friends, eating, drinking, and making merry.

Or if you are like a young heifer who just calved, and you kick against the pricks and run into every gate, you will not quite have the same experience I do.

You need to learn to not be easily offended.

Stop blaming your enneagram, or your past trauma. The spirit of God lives inside you. (unless you do not know him) Do you truly think Satan can throw anything at you that Holy Spirit cannot walk all over without even trying? He created the world. The sunsets you so enjoy looking at? He paints that every day.

Your body which has the capability to make people experience so much pleasure and pain. That was his original design. He is science.

Mama, you can trust God. You are equipped. You can be free.