Yesterday a lady posted anonymously on a Mama page I help mod, her concern over Mama shaming. She posted anonymously because the shaming can be and already has been so intense.

I read over that thread this morning and felt heartsick. Ladies, we are failing our young mothers.

They already know that there are chemicals in windex and concerns surrounding vaccines. If they don’t, they will soon.

They know that circumcision carries a risk, and that breastfeeding is a very high quality way of feeding your baby. They even know about GMOs.

And here is the thing, they are a Mama now, with the entire weight of another human beings health and well being resting on them. They cannot afford to make your decision, their decision. That would be the very essence of foolishness. Their child depends on them to follow their gut instincts which many many times is Holy Spirit guiding them.

It is time we start respecting that and leave them alone.

If you want to be a help to them, draw near to them in very practical ways. Bring them a meal, invite them for coffee, open your heart to them and be vulnerable about your struggles as a Mama. YOUR struggles, I said. Many of us want to be a help to others, but what we forget we must lead our in, walk first in vulnerability.

It can be hard to be vulnerable, when we have been hurt again and again through gossip or rumors. First you must lay down your fear. What has happened to you when someone close to you disagreed with your choice to not vaccinate? We’re they mad? Sure! Did they physically beat you with a stick? No. Did they tell other people so that you look foolish? Maybe, yes. Did that make you look foolish? Nope and nope.

Put disapproval and gossip in its place. Not up on the throne, ruling your life. Put it down into the gutter where it can snivel and grovel where it belongs. Take away its power.

Do not nitpick new mothers even if you think you see them making mistakes. Leave them completely alone unless you are truly loving them with shoes on and they ask.

These young Moms are just starting out. They cannot afford Young Living Oils in their health cupboard, Norwex kitchen towels, Plexus vitamins, Melaleuca cleaners, 31 Gifts bags, CBD oil, Lemongrass Spa bath products, grass fed beef, eggs from free range chickens, organic feminine products, handmade slow fashion and hand knitted sweaters. (That last one was for me)

Those of us more settled in our married journey tend to forget how it felt to make just enough money to reach around to the bare basics. We forget how blessed we were to find kitchen towels at Goodwill, and having some old venison burger that a local butcher gifted you, that you cried over with relief as you put it into your freezer.

We forget how it felt to be under a constant barrage of advice from well meaning people. Of course they are all well meaning. They want you to be empowered like they were. But we forget that when we all do it, it becomes a cacophony of noise.

One of my best friends would tell you to always co-sleep, breastfeed until your baby is at least two, and feed them all local, organic, grass fed, high quality food. On the other hand, I would tell you to give yourself a break and allow your children to eat cereal for breakfast sometimes, I adamantly do not co-sleep, and I would for sure not breastfeed for two years. I’m delighted if I manage to get 9 months under my belt. Not that I look down on those who do, I just…..don’t.

Every single mother, does it differently. And that is ok. You do not have to kiss your baby with lemongrass spa lip balm to be a good mother. You can swipe your dollar store chapstick on your lips and blow into your babies neck with all the joy and love you feel.

Did you know that fed is actually best? Breast feeding is amazing, but sometimes you can’t do the amazing thing, and being fed is BEST. Please don’t argue with me on this. The shaming has to stop. In another post a mother said she was attacked for bottle feeding by a stranger. That is straight up sin, ladies. You cannot afford to judge anyone’s choices. You don’t even have the right to judge your close friends choices. Did you know that?

You may think they breastfeed because they are lazy, but you think that only because that’s why you wouldn’t breastfeed.

You think they circumcise because they are just doing what they have always heard, but you cannot know, perhaps this Mamas husband had to be circumcised as an adult and has vowed to save his little boys the pain. Plus, their child’s penis is none of your business.

Older women are commanded by God to teach the younger. This was a major part of the discussion in the previous post. Let me tell you something dear ladies. That wise older woman God is talking about does not go around spouting her viewpoints. Her wisdom will be shared in little nuggets of truth. She will not flail you for vaccinating, she will tell you why she and her husband made their choice, and encourage you to seek the Holy Spirits guidance as you make your decision. She will encourage you to love your husband and your children.

The very mandate God has given to older women has become yet another area that women bully other women with. “If you don’t listen to my advice, you are unbiblical, unteachable, and wrong”.

Shame on us! May God have mercy on us with our self righteous, holier than thou attitudes.

You see, he sees his daughter sobbing into her babies blanket, after your visit, as her postpartum brain tries to process all the mistakes she made having a medicated birth. He sees that. And he is not pleased. He sees the intentions of your heart, even if you yourself can not be honest about your intentions.

He sees his daughter waking up, setting cereal on the table for her children. If you walked into her home, you would see GMOs on the table and 5 children still in pajamas with dirty faces. But what you don’t see, he sees. And he knows that she spent most of the night awake, rocking a teething baby, after being unselfish enough to bring great pleasure to her husband, even though she was almost too exhausted to enjoy it. She simply does the next right thing, and God loves her faithful obedience.

A few months ago, I asked on this page for help for my baby’s teething diarrhea. One mother gave me gentle advice what worked for her child. And then, do you know what she did? She kept checking up on me and my son via pm. She wasn’t checking up to see whether I had followed her advice, she just stepped up under my arm and helped carry my load with her love and concern. I was able to thank her in person later, but what I did not tell her, and wish I had, was that she truly showed me the spirit of a wise “older woman”. She loved me with shoes on, even though she did not live within visiting distance.

This Mommy 101 page is wonderful. We have some of the kindest, sweetest Mamas here. However each of us Mamas have our own perspective and we sometimes forget that our way is not the universal perfect way. Let’s purpose in our hearts from here on out to love with shoes on, and truly be safe.

I and all my friends are proof that you can be the very best of friends whether you eat GMO free, vaccinate your children or are a rabid unvaccer, use windex or Norwex , have hospital or home births, breastfeed or bottle feed, use goats milk or formula, wear granny panties or chic internet bought lacy skivvies. Well....you get the point.

Those 6 beautiful squinting human beings are all mine. I made them! I fed them bottles and breast fed them, got induced with most of them, had some medicated births, am silent about circumcision because quite frankly it’s none of your business, have fed them cereal, grass fed beef, and even...gasp..,Ramen noodles.

I hear all the lemongrass lip balms dropping to the floor...

They survived.

They adore me, because I am their mother who loves them enough to not get everything right. I don’t need perfection. Just heaps and pounds of love!